Breakfast Smeakfast

As a general rule I don’t eat breakfast. It’s not that I don’t enjoy breakfast foods I just don’t enjoy the practice.

Now, before you waste your time trying to point out the various flaws in my thought process let me just say I’ve heard it all before. I’ve heard countless individuals (both smart and not so much) talk of breakfast as the "King of Meals" – it’s the most important meal of the day, the one meal you should never skip. Breakfast brings your body to life; kick starts your day…blah blah blah. I’ve also read and listened to plenty diet professionals reiterating the counter-intuitive strategy that eating a nice hearty breakfast everyday will actually help you lose weight – yeah right Kellogg’s. I’ve reviewed countless studies on the matter and I do not doubt any of their claims just the application to me, as in, it doesn’t. I must confess to finding a certain level of legitimacy in the concept of breakfast as a whole. I don’t think it’s a bad thing and I’ll be sure to feed my kids breakfast every day, however, I choose not to partake in the morning ritual and my reasons are four-fold:

First: my body, like my mind, refuses to function properly before 10 am and if you make me eat breakfast chance is I will throw up on you.
Second: I never have time for a decent breakfast; I’m lucky to make it to work on time. Now, if I had a personal chef, things might be different.
Third: anytime I do manage to grab breakfast, within the hour I’ll be hungrier than ever and forced to eat again before lunch. What a waste. Sidebar: here is my beef with those crazy dieter’s theories. Tell me, how can I really lose weight if breakfast makes me so hungry I end up eating twice what I would have for the day?
Forth: I don’t like to do things that “may” be good for me just because random people say so…on principle.

There, I’ve said it – cleared my conscience. I just don’t do breakfast. Now go on, defend the ritual if you must.

Mind Over Matter

When I was a wee lass I possessed magical powers. True story. I was obsessed with the TV show Bewitched and then of course Sabrina (the teenage witch) and I was positive that by a crinkled nose or wiggled finger I too could make stuff 'happen'. I remember sitting in the school yard wiggling my nose with my index finger (no telling what that must have looked like) sending out my spells to bring Jake right to me and force Dawn to trip on her stupid face. I never could get my magic to work on them but I 'made' plenty of other things happen - recess bell ringing - which kept my dream alive. To this day I occasionally catch myself thinking those special powers reside within and that I can control anything by a flip of the wrist - people, things, it matters not. Needless to say, the success rate on this is rather embarrassing.

A friend of mine is forever telling me I can do whatever I put my mind too and every time he does I just want to punch him in the face...but I don't...because he's right. The qualification is, you can really only put your mind to those things in which you actually have control, basically yourself alone.

So, how does one convince your mind that you CAN do anything without making ridiculous assumptions that converge on other people or things out of your stewardship? My guess: the idea remains the same but the thought process must change. I can't really make Jake come to me but I can make myself get up and talk to him and that's a pretty good start.

Luftmensch

Luftmensch: an impractical contemplative person having no definite business or income.

Oh to be a luftmensch, a luftballon if you will, floating through life without a care at hand – free of any obligation and all things mundane or tiresome. At times I imagine how it might feel to be so completely insouciant and not responsible for or to anything, anyone. How enticing to embrace only all things sweet and simple, those pure joys of life…ahh hot air balloons. I can almost feel the breeze between my toes as my body drifts above the frenzied world, no restraints of time or destination. Feeling lackadaisical, enjoying unabridged breaths with pure freedom in my grasp, all troubles below disappearing and then…oh wait, there’s a DSW*! At that very moment I’m brought back down, quickly reminded how much I enjoy other things in life, like shoes. With this simple recognition a rush of other thoughts enter the picture like how I need money to buy them and that I need a job to have money so I can buy them. Hm. Welp I guess aspirations of a luftmensch will have to remain in my dreams. Truth told, it’s not so bad to have both feet on the ground...in a great pair of heels, and as it goes, “we’ll all float on okay” anyway.

Luftmensch: word of the day – state of my heart.

*For men folk who may not know, DSW is one of the most amazing shoe stores of all time.

Rodomontade

I ran across this fun word today and so I will share some of the happy thoughts it brought about. For those, like me, occasionally vocabulary challenged I shall provide the definition to ensure complete same pageness:

1 : a bragging speech
2 : vain boasting or bluster : rant

I’ll go ahead and acknowledge the negative connotations but what a great word! Plus, it describes my daily pursuits. I decided long ago that my ego was just far too big to rely on others to fill so if I wanted to keep it bursting at the seems I alone was going to have to do something about it. My simple solution now has a great word: rodomontade! Surely, there is a good and very bad way of proceeding with this technique. Some of my fellow ‘rodomontadies’ push way too far, coming across rather conceded and are usually repulsive. I, on the other hand, find a happy, safe medium in humor. For certain, it’s a sneaky humor, the result of ridiculous statements or exaggerated skills which I likely don’t actually possess. It matters not what I go on about, with my rodomontade I stroke my ego and thereby maintain a level of contentment albeit unrealistic view of the world. But I’m good with that. Go on, give it a try and tell me if it doesn’t make you feel better. And if you can’t think of anything to brag about yourself feel free to brag about me...I will take it!