Fireball 2.0

There is an episode of Friends when Joey is supposed to be writing a screenplay but instead he and Chandler create "Fireball," a highly dangerous yet ingenious game involving a blow torch and bowling ball. The look on Joey's face when announcing his creation to Ross still gets me rolling. Yesterday, I created my own version only it starts with fish and chips.

All I wanted was to reheat my leftovers. I wasn't asking much. Where the story gets interesting is when my impatience and stupidly jumps in. I wanted the food so hastily that I, all safety regulations aside, stuck the cardboard box in the tiny oven. I just wanted it crispy not like soggy sad fish from the microwave. Well, if you do something this stupid you can count on not being careful enough when pulling it out as to avoid the hot coils of the oven which, by the way, will ignite cardboard. Voilà! A quick recipe for a personal-sized ball of flame.

Now, what do you do with a handful of fire on your counter? Easy, transfer to sink with bare hands, of course. Done...except what happens when the ball of fire bounces out of the sink, across the counter and onto the living room floor? Fireball disaster. With a flying fireball now threatening to take my apartment down I must quickly end this fiasco. I run over and attempt to stomp out the blaze, barefoot. I'm way smart. After the flames were out, and my fish certainly extra crispy, I gave myself a little vocal cheer and fist pump for taking out that fire like a champ with minimal bodily harm. I hope you're both laughing hysterically and shaking your head in judging disbelief. It's ok, go ahead. No one died except my pride and maybe a few pieces of carpet.

Not a minute after stomping the heck out of the mini bonfire, it occurs to me that by jumping on this highly flammable box, I sent smoldering pieces of cardboard across the floor. Sure enough, they were still glowing just begging a second challenge. My much smarter, safer solution: dump excessive amounts of water everywhere. Done. An hour later it is very clear I had a fight with something. You’d never guess it was with a fireball, but it was. I came out victorious. Yes, I did...mostly.

Hannah’s Hoedown Heals

I watched the Hannah Montana movie last night. What can I say? It was a rough week. Despite the anticipated ridiculousness of various plot points it was overall a very humorous, upbeat movie and it did make me feel better.

Every protagonist struggle in Disney movies are basically identical, but in the simplicity of the formula is the appeal. We love the characters, they speak to us and you can rest assured things will always work out in the end. Aside from the fame, I can not say I find myself relating to Hannah all that much, but I certainly empathize with the heartache and struggle of figuring out who you are while trying to win the heart of a cowboy. Who doesn’t, really?

Last night Hannah reminded us to never forget our roots and who we really are. The movie also reminded me that I never want to live on a farm, although I am pretty sure this was unintentional.

Disney moral #2*: When life starts to get crazy, take the time to regain perspective with the help of those who truly love you. Magically, the world is not as scary as you might have thought and you can now overcome anything. Also repetitive, cheesy and purely addictive music never hurts.

P.S. we all really need to learn the moves to this Hoedown Throwdown. Trust me, just do it.

*Disney moral #1 has to do with Disney royalty struggling to get back the throne.