The other day I was quietly standing near a conversation I was rather interested in. I was not a part of the conversation in any way, shape or form, but I was very intent on quiet, harmless, non-participation. So I stood there, listening closely looking as normal and breezy as I could manage.
Shortly after I was fully immersed in active although not technically welcomed listening, a sweet old lady came up to me. She grabbed my arm and went on and on about something I really could care very little about. My mom has always made me be nice to old people so I did my best to seem pleasant and act like I was paying attention. I was seriously stuck in politeness prison. I was technically preoccupied, but there was simply no safe way to explain that. Left with no enjoyable options, I sucked it up and put on my happy face. I nodded and smiled in response to whatever she was saying all while trying real hard to focus my other ear on the tantalizing voices just a few feet away. Seconds painfully passed until chatty grandma left me alone, hopefully not realizing I had no idea what she was talking about. Anxiously I returned my full attention to the conversation that was now over...fudgepops! Nothing could be more aggravating.
There really is just no polite way to ask someone to stop talking to your face so you can continue eavesdropping on some other far more interesting conversation. What is a girl to do?
Monday, August 30, 2010
Monday, August 23, 2010
Minute to Win It?
I was just watching a new game show where contestants are asked to perform random, seemingly simple and random yet ridiculously challenging tasks in less than a minute. The person to accomplish the most rounds can win some absurd amount of money.
The edition I tuned into was filled with former beauty queens. The wardrobe and camera angles were just a little too skewed for me, but really I just couldn't handle watching these girls humiliate themselves on national television. I thought surely they'd have some skill allowing them to get a decent job, but then one girl cried over unfortunately stacked cups.
About 10 seconds later, I realized how appealing this game would be for members of my religious social network. Silly, simple challenges with only community-specific prestige at stake. The kids will love it.
Why is it that when someone says 'competition' we are so eager to willingly embarrass ourselves? Excuse me while I go beef-up my cup stacking skills...
The edition I tuned into was filled with former beauty queens. The wardrobe and camera angles were just a little too skewed for me, but really I just couldn't handle watching these girls humiliate themselves on national television. I thought surely they'd have some skill allowing them to get a decent job, but then one girl cried over unfortunately stacked cups.
About 10 seconds later, I realized how appealing this game would be for members of my religious social network. Silly, simple challenges with only community-specific prestige at stake. The kids will love it.
Why is it that when someone says 'competition' we are so eager to willingly embarrass ourselves? Excuse me while I go beef-up my cup stacking skills...
Thursday, August 12, 2010
All the Small Things
Yesterday I had an appointment with the eye doctor. I got a sweet parking spot right up front so naturally I gave myself a mental high five. Then I hopped out of my car into a huge puddle. Oh right, that's why it was available. What a sucker.
The Doc asked me how much I smoked.
Me: Excuse me?
Doc: It says here (pointing to the screen) you smoke.
Me: No, no I don't. Look at this amazing skin.
Then he proceeded to drill me on personal information to make sure I was in fact the person sitting in the chair needing a check up and not the the random assortment of facts making up some person on his computer screen.
Me: Sir, I promise. I don’t smoke.
Doc: Hm...(rather discriminant) Must have been a typo.
Me: Um yeah, pretty sure.
He lowered my prescription by a lot which explains all my recently traumatic headaches. Phew. I got out of the chair feeling so proud of my eyes. They have corrected themselves to compensate for the beautifully massive high resolution computer screen I get paid to stare at all day long. They are so smart. As I walked over to the sink to put my new contacts, I searched around only to find the mirror was far out of my visual range. I glanced over at the Doc who was handing me the much more accessible child's mirror with a sympathetic smirk. Thanks.
Later, I stopped by the Wal-Mart to pick up some milk. I walked by the produce section and saw mini bananas. I had to adopt them. They are adorable. I walked by another aisle and saw purple plastic cups. I had to buy them. They are purple. After the cashier rung up all my essential items, I proceeded to stand on my tippy-toes to reach the thingy to swipe my card and sign my name. Now I have been too short for a lot of things, but I’ve never been too short to spend money. Really, Wal-Mart, when did you add the height restrictions? C'est la vie
The Doc asked me how much I smoked.
Me: Excuse me?
Doc: It says here (pointing to the screen) you smoke.
Me: No, no I don't. Look at this amazing skin.
Then he proceeded to drill me on personal information to make sure I was in fact the person sitting in the chair needing a check up and not the the random assortment of facts making up some person on his computer screen.
Me: Sir, I promise. I don’t smoke.
Doc: Hm...(rather discriminant) Must have been a typo.
Me: Um yeah, pretty sure.
He lowered my prescription by a lot which explains all my recently traumatic headaches. Phew. I got out of the chair feeling so proud of my eyes. They have corrected themselves to compensate for the beautifully massive high resolution computer screen I get paid to stare at all day long. They are so smart. As I walked over to the sink to put my new contacts, I searched around only to find the mirror was far out of my visual range. I glanced over at the Doc who was handing me the much more accessible child's mirror with a sympathetic smirk. Thanks.
Later, I stopped by the Wal-Mart to pick up some milk. I walked by the produce section and saw mini bananas. I had to adopt them. They are adorable. I walked by another aisle and saw purple plastic cups. I had to buy them. They are purple. After the cashier rung up all my essential items, I proceeded to stand on my tippy-toes to reach the thingy to swipe my card and sign my name. Now I have been too short for a lot of things, but I’ve never been too short to spend money. Really, Wal-Mart, when did you add the height restrictions? C'est la vie
Thursday, July 22, 2010
That's New
Today I ran in a dress. I thought it would be really awkward, but I kind of liked it. I think I’m going to try it more often. Those tennis chicks may really be on to something.
I was running to catch a bus. When I got on the bus I got very dizzy. We will never know if it was the run or the bus, but good thing I carry Dramamine in my purse now. Curse you David Bowie!
Tonight I have to walk home in the rain in a dress and flip-flops. I have a feeling it will not be as fun as finding out how glorious it is to run in a dress.
You just can’t plan for some things. I love Austin, it keeps you on your toes.
On a totally unrelated note, I recently learned that 'con man' is short for 'confidence man'. It makes perfect sense and somehow it changes everything.
I was running to catch a bus. When I got on the bus I got very dizzy. We will never know if it was the run or the bus, but good thing I carry Dramamine in my purse now. Curse you David Bowie!
Tonight I have to walk home in the rain in a dress and flip-flops. I have a feeling it will not be as fun as finding out how glorious it is to run in a dress.
You just can’t plan for some things. I love Austin, it keeps you on your toes.
On a totally unrelated note, I recently learned that 'con man' is short for 'confidence man'. It makes perfect sense and somehow it changes everything.
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Otis
Sad news hit the Hall household yesterday. Our family dog was hit and killed by a careless driver.
As the shock set in I was surprised how much it affected me. Our family is not really a dog family; we are cat people. We don’t know how to give the attention required of dogs and yet Otis found a way into our hearts and became a part of our family.
He was quite the character our little, overweight pug. He couldn’t sleep without snoring, control his portions or jump on the couch, but he was sweet and innocent. He would stand by the window and wait for us to come home, not giving you a moment to breath before demanding a belly pat. He could run surprisingly fast when it was time for a bath or a nail clipping. It took 3 people to hold him down for medicine time. He was filled with dedication and loyalty. He warned us when cars drove by, when cats came downstairs and when he was hungry. He followed us around the house (when we had food) and kept our feet warm in the winter. We trained him to do a few tricks and that was always entertaining. He was an expert swimming and stair hopper. He was such a good sport about being dressed up. In his spare time he roamed the neighborhood, keeping things in order. Everyone knew and loved him (except for the crazy lady next door, but we ignored her anyway). He didn’t really love being outside unless of course you wanted him to stay inside, then he’d stare you down in the middle of the road just daring for a chase back home. He loved nothing more than to curl up next to us and take a nap.
It’s remarkable how attached we become to animals. Otis was getting really old and suffered increasing health problems, but I could never imagine him not being there when I came home. I always felt like Otis really appreciated the simple things in life and he was always happy. We loved him and he will forever be a Hall.
Goodbye, Otis, we will miss you, and I have no doubt there is an all you can eat buffet in doggie heaven just for you.
As the shock set in I was surprised how much it affected me. Our family is not really a dog family; we are cat people. We don’t know how to give the attention required of dogs and yet Otis found a way into our hearts and became a part of our family.
He was quite the character our little, overweight pug. He couldn’t sleep without snoring, control his portions or jump on the couch, but he was sweet and innocent. He would stand by the window and wait for us to come home, not giving you a moment to breath before demanding a belly pat. He could run surprisingly fast when it was time for a bath or a nail clipping. It took 3 people to hold him down for medicine time. He was filled with dedication and loyalty. He warned us when cars drove by, when cats came downstairs and when he was hungry. He followed us around the house (when we had food) and kept our feet warm in the winter. We trained him to do a few tricks and that was always entertaining. He was an expert swimming and stair hopper. He was such a good sport about being dressed up. In his spare time he roamed the neighborhood, keeping things in order. Everyone knew and loved him (except for the crazy lady next door, but we ignored her anyway). He didn’t really love being outside unless of course you wanted him to stay inside, then he’d stare you down in the middle of the road just daring for a chase back home. He loved nothing more than to curl up next to us and take a nap.
It’s remarkable how attached we become to animals. Otis was getting really old and suffered increasing health problems, but I could never imagine him not being there when I came home. I always felt like Otis really appreciated the simple things in life and he was always happy. We loved him and he will forever be a Hall.
Goodbye, Otis, we will miss you, and I have no doubt there is an all you can eat buffet in doggie heaven just for you.
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Patriotic Explosion
After my tribute to Canada, I really wanted to say something profound or touching about America. I started, then stopped many times trying to flesh out an awesome analogy about fireworks. I paused recalling childhood memories of the hot nights on the 4th of July. No string of words managed to accurately express my feelings about how American I am.
I find it hard to think about our Nation’s past without getting a little choked up. I really don’t know what it’s like to fight for my freedom. I don’t know what it’s like to risk my life for my family, my home, my beliefs; I’ve been blessed with it all. I simply cannot imagine a life full of oppression and fear or the inability to express my opinions or demand simple justice. How lucky I am to be here, in this time, to enjoy all the things in life that so many people before me and even now fight for every single day. To all those who cast aside fear, who stood with courage for what they knew was right, I can only offer my humble gratitude and highest respect.
This past 4th of July I spent the evening with friends as close as family. We watched the broadcast of the D.C. firework display. It is the same as I remember watching live on the lawn as a kid. We then blew up our own fun in the street. I am not really sure how fireworks became a staple of our Independence Day, but I know I can’t celebrate without them. Just as music brightens my soul, fireworks bring about feelings of pride, excitement, resolve and unity. No matter the time or place, that really is what America is to me.
Happy birthday, America. I love you.
I find it hard to think about our Nation’s past without getting a little choked up. I really don’t know what it’s like to fight for my freedom. I don’t know what it’s like to risk my life for my family, my home, my beliefs; I’ve been blessed with it all. I simply cannot imagine a life full of oppression and fear or the inability to express my opinions or demand simple justice. How lucky I am to be here, in this time, to enjoy all the things in life that so many people before me and even now fight for every single day. To all those who cast aside fear, who stood with courage for what they knew was right, I can only offer my humble gratitude and highest respect.
This past 4th of July I spent the evening with friends as close as family. We watched the broadcast of the D.C. firework display. It is the same as I remember watching live on the lawn as a kid. We then blew up our own fun in the street. I am not really sure how fireworks became a staple of our Independence Day, but I know I can’t celebrate without them. Just as music brightens my soul, fireworks bring about feelings of pride, excitement, resolve and unity. No matter the time or place, that really is what America is to me.
Happy birthday, America. I love you.
Thursday, July 1, 2010
O Canada
Today is Canada Day. I figure it is their version of our America Day. To honor them, I’m pondering all the things I know about Canada.
They have a maple leaf on their flag, but at least it’s red. I went to Canada once. They own half of Niagara Falls. I had to use funny coins to buy a beverage when we were on that side. That was exciting.
One year in college, I lived across the way from a Canadian. She was funny, friendly, beautiful and normal. I liked her. I gave her the unique nickname of Canada. I’m pretty sure she liked it. She taught me the Canadian anthem. Ours is better.
My mom served a mission in Quebec. It was so cold she still cannot speak about it without shivering.
I’ve watched Strange Brew more than is humanly necessary. They really like beers. Rick Moranis rocks. Also, it is still fun to say ‘eh’ excessively.
There was a Canadian in my career development course. He was not of the pleasant variety. There may have been a passionate, verbal discussion between us during one class. The professor could do nothing but stare in awesome wonder. I closed by telling him to go back to Canada. A year later he showed up in my home ward as a missionary. He definitely remembered me. Karma.
They sold a lot of silly hats during the 2002 Winter Olympics.
Ryan Reynolds is Canadian.
O Canada, our brisk neighbor, thank you for shielding us from the Arctic, providing an endless amount of hilarity and taking care of all the moose. You're not all hosers.
They have a maple leaf on their flag, but at least it’s red. I went to Canada once. They own half of Niagara Falls. I had to use funny coins to buy a beverage when we were on that side. That was exciting.
One year in college, I lived across the way from a Canadian. She was funny, friendly, beautiful and normal. I liked her. I gave her the unique nickname of Canada. I’m pretty sure she liked it. She taught me the Canadian anthem. Ours is better.
My mom served a mission in Quebec. It was so cold she still cannot speak about it without shivering.
I’ve watched Strange Brew more than is humanly necessary. They really like beers. Rick Moranis rocks. Also, it is still fun to say ‘eh’ excessively.
There was a Canadian in my career development course. He was not of the pleasant variety. There may have been a passionate, verbal discussion between us during one class. The professor could do nothing but stare in awesome wonder. I closed by telling him to go back to Canada. A year later he showed up in my home ward as a missionary. He definitely remembered me. Karma.
They sold a lot of silly hats during the 2002 Winter Olympics.
Ryan Reynolds is Canadian.
O Canada, our brisk neighbor, thank you for shielding us from the Arctic, providing an endless amount of hilarity and taking care of all the moose. You're not all hosers.
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