About a year ago a friend sent me a link to an interesting and hilarious website dedicated solely to the disbursement of helpful information regarding the ‘gingerkids’ aka redheads. I recently ran across this website again and one of my favorite FAQ’s is “Are we contagious?” Being an inquisitive person, I decided to address the issue on a more serious note. Contagious – yes we are. But is it possible our potency is wearing thin?
There have been millions of redhead studies throughout time but today I focus on a groundbreaking study conducted by the Oxford Hair Foundation. Based on their scientific findings, redheads will drastically decrease by 2060 and could be extinct by 2100. {gasps} The problem is we are one big recessive genebomb – no one really knows when a gingerkid will pop up and there is a chance that even those of use already red won’t produce any more. Turns out only 4% of the world’s population carries the red-hair gene. Now I’m not really good will all the genetics but I know those ain't the kinda odds you bet on. We are quickly loosing the battle to those dang dominant brown-hair genes!
So there are plenty of other articles refuting this horrific declaration but I find myself feeling a strong sense of obligation – as if it’s my life duty to protect our race. I must provide heirs to ensure redheads will always be available for the world’s viewing pleasure and overall general happiness. In order to secure a redheaded family, there is only one guarantee: two redheads must mate. So this is now my mission and I’m off on the hunt...to save America.
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Monday, February 25, 2008
Gift of Gab
Rather recently (within a week’s time), I was told by two separate individuals in two entirely different situations that I have the “Gift of Gab”. Now, I must admit my initial reaction was that of the abrasive persuasion – I mean naturally, right. To me the term ‘gab’ carried some seriously negative connotations. Someone who gabs is annoying, trivial and subpar in both intelligence and humor. In all honesty I have no idea where this definition came from, sometimes I just make things up and so I was immediately repulsed by this comment. After a few minutes of unnecessary accusations in extremely high decibels, I was pulled down from my misconceptions. It was in fact a compliment, Steph. Talking to people is a good thing.
One must qualify: like any other gift it must be used (correctly) to provide gratification. Using the gift of gab recklessly is a hazard of which I’ve suffered many, many times. Note to self: some thoughts are really better just left up there. When used properly, however, the gift of gab can set others at ease, turn awkward situations into interactive comedy clubs and reinforce a level of personal communication that has too often disappeared these days.
An overused saying comes to mind: "Better to keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool than to open it and remove all doubt." In my case this is absolutely true. There is no way anyone would ever doubt that I say stupid things, it’s a daily habit. The beauty is the stupid things don’t really hurt if you’re quick enough to move on to topics of a more humorous, irrelevant nature. I call this the “Topic Tango” * and if it were a competition there would be a plethora of gold cups on my shelf. Keeping people on their feet is just what I do (and yes, I will always try to lead). Sometimes people are lost in the transition but most of the time there is enough gabbing to maintain appropriate levels of both intrigue and entertainment. It’s a skill.
Because of this wonderful gift you can always count on the redhead in the room to have something to say – you just may not care to hear it. From now on I’ll continue to embrace my gift and although it may never be perfect I’ve got it so I’ll be sure to share it...whenever and wherever.
*Topic Tango is a trademark phrase. Keep in mind the analogy can only go so far. Use with caution and don’t get all crazy with it.
One must qualify: like any other gift it must be used (correctly) to provide gratification. Using the gift of gab recklessly is a hazard of which I’ve suffered many, many times. Note to self: some thoughts are really better just left up there. When used properly, however, the gift of gab can set others at ease, turn awkward situations into interactive comedy clubs and reinforce a level of personal communication that has too often disappeared these days.
An overused saying comes to mind: "Better to keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool than to open it and remove all doubt." In my case this is absolutely true. There is no way anyone would ever doubt that I say stupid things, it’s a daily habit. The beauty is the stupid things don’t really hurt if you’re quick enough to move on to topics of a more humorous, irrelevant nature. I call this the “Topic Tango” * and if it were a competition there would be a plethora of gold cups on my shelf. Keeping people on their feet is just what I do (and yes, I will always try to lead). Sometimes people are lost in the transition but most of the time there is enough gabbing to maintain appropriate levels of both intrigue and entertainment. It’s a skill.
Because of this wonderful gift you can always count on the redhead in the room to have something to say – you just may not care to hear it. From now on I’ll continue to embrace my gift and although it may never be perfect I’ve got it so I’ll be sure to share it...whenever and wherever.
*Topic Tango is a trademark phrase. Keep in mind the analogy can only go so far. Use with caution and don’t get all crazy with it.
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Temper Tantrum
People often associate redheads with inexplicable fits of rage or outbursts of fiery fury. I’m not gonna lie I am asked, rather frequently, if I have a temper. The answer is yes, yes I do and I’ll be the first to admit it.
Now, I’m not sure exactly if the red hair is nature’s way of providing a warning label to the innocent or if the hair is the physical manifest of the inherent boiling core; but it’s true, I am a firecracker in both appearance and temperament. Embracing true red-headedness means you have to appreciate the explosive nature of our character and as a breathing testament to this surprisingly accurate stereo type I do my best to live up to the ever growing expectations. I've learned to cut down my reaction time to record breaking levels which allows me to provide an optimal range of both irrational and humorous tirades at the slightest provocation.
Most of my close friends have learned to gage the ‘redbomb’ temperatures and once this skill is mastered it's rather easy maintain a safety zone in which everyone can enjoy an environment of light giggles and playful banter. TIP: the eyes are a thermometer to the soul - you can always tell how hot the core is by how fast the eyes are flashing flecks of fire. Unfortunately if you are close enough to obtain an accurate reading... you're in the danger zone.
Some say my firecracker personality is precious at a distance and others are truly terrified. Truthfully you don't need to be afraid of me you just need to put on some flame retardant gear.
Now, I’m not sure exactly if the red hair is nature’s way of providing a warning label to the innocent or if the hair is the physical manifest of the inherent boiling core; but it’s true, I am a firecracker in both appearance and temperament. Embracing true red-headedness means you have to appreciate the explosive nature of our character and as a breathing testament to this surprisingly accurate stereo type I do my best to live up to the ever growing expectations. I've learned to cut down my reaction time to record breaking levels which allows me to provide an optimal range of both irrational and humorous tirades at the slightest provocation.
Most of my close friends have learned to gage the ‘redbomb’ temperatures and once this skill is mastered it's rather easy maintain a safety zone in which everyone can enjoy an environment of light giggles and playful banter. TIP: the eyes are a thermometer to the soul - you can always tell how hot the core is by how fast the eyes are flashing flecks of fire. Unfortunately if you are close enough to obtain an accurate reading... you're in the danger zone.
Some say my firecracker personality is precious at a distance and others are truly terrified. Truthfully you don't need to be afraid of me you just need to put on some flame retardant gear.
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