I don’t think there is any question that we all love to be complimented and praised. It feels awesome to be told you’re fantastic. A really good, unexpected compliment can literally make your day. Of course, some of us require more compliments than others to stay afloat, which can quickly become annoying. Personally I find that when I’m not satisfied I’ll just compliment myself, but still, compliments are much appreciated and in general a healthy level of reinforcement benefits us all.
The extremely frustrating and irrational expectation is when we want someone to tell us something nice but we certainly don’t want to have to ask for it. I find this occurring most often with the opposite sex being that same gendered friends are usually more aware of each others’ nondescript codes. In general we want to be noticed for things like our outfit or shoes or general amazingness but we don’t want to presumptuously point it out. Then on top of that, we want to hear the "right" thing not just anything. In reality this is a problem on at least two levels, we can’t control what someone else does or thinks and second, we really need to find a way to be happy with ourselves with what we can control, our own opinions.
I rediscovered this little paradox yet again this weekend when I found myself fishing for reassurances from my friend about something rather silly. It didn’t work, as it rarely does. After I walked away disappointed I thought, why didn’t I just say – hey, buddy, it would be great if you would tell me this right now because I really need to hear it, but don’t say it like I told you to say it, make it seem like you were going to say it and don’t forget to mean it. Somehow saying such a truthful statement out loud manages to miss the entire point. Fiddlestix.
Sometimes I think life would be easier if we were all comfortable enough to say so boldly what we want/expect/need from each other but then I think about it for 5 seconds and remember why it is probably best I keep those things to myself…or to a blog.
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4 comments:
I knew it. You have the most beautiful red hair I've ever known!!!!
I've often thought it would be really funny for like 30 minutes if we could turn on a switch that would make everyone say aloud what first comes to mind. I have a feeling it would be like the dog in the movie "UP!"-- we'd be walking around saying things like, "I'm hungry!" "You look sexy!" and I'm sure a myriad of other unmentionable thoughts that would probably hurt each other's feelings. nevertheless, you can practice a censored version, and just truly say what you mean all the time. Then, more than likely, you'd get more people in the habit of just being truly honest, because it feels so good, and then you can get your well deserved compliment.
btw-- I'm having a hard time convincing erika that she needs an engagement party. well, in truth she doesn't need one, but heck, why wouldn't you want one?! If you have any thoughts on how to convince her that this is a good idea-- lemme know.
In regards to Jess's comment. I try to be that person so says when she is thinking nice things about people, but when I do, people don't know how to take it. Maybe blurting out "I like your shoes" while they are telling a really sad story is not ideal, but I am still working on my approach.
Your fabulosity amazes me! I love your thoughts...keep writing!!!
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