My Ox is in the Box!

Tis the year of the ox! A year of prosperity…to those who work for it!

The ox stands as symbol of prosperity through fortitude and hard work. The ox is intended to remind us that good things come to those who work for it. This is probably good advice any year but surely it can’t hurt to have a little encouragement from the stars alignment.

With this nudge form the stars, I thought I should probably take on the challenge of hard work this year. I mean, I would like very much to be prosperous, but that really just seems…well, like a lot of work. However, while I was conducting extensive research today on the ox year, I discovered that I am not actually the tenacious rooster I had always believed. Turns out, those Chinese place mats detailing my future are not entirely accurate. I know, I was both shocked and horrified as well. Since the Chinese calendar follows a lunar year they don’t exactly match up to our western, simplistic calendar. Therefore, I’m excited to announce that I’m actually a monkey.

Wow, this feels so liberating and now that I know where I really come from there is a whole new outlook on life. It all makes perfect sense really. Master Wiki says monkeys are “often inventors, plotters, entertainers and the creative geniuses behind anything ingenious, including mischief and with their charm and persuasiveness they can make people believe that just knowing them is a privilege.” Now, who couldn’t have called that one?

Armed with this enlightenment, I asked myself what a monkey would do in the year of the ox to find prosperity. Ingeniously simple! I’m going to find an ox to do the hard work for me.

Did I peak your curiosity? Good. Find your Chinese animal equivalent and figure out how to exploit the year of the ox as well.

Egad

In less than 48 hours I will be turning 28 years of age and I’m not going to lie, it is really freaking me out.

The other day I was watching a few episodes from season two of Friends with a friend. For all my fellow Friends fans this is the season where Ross and Rachel finally get together, Monica starts dating the much older Dr. Burke and Joey is cast and quickly killed off on Days of Our Lives. Also in season two, the friends are 27 years old. Now, despite the fact these episodes aired over decade ago, it still hit me hard…I am now older than Chandler. Egad!

Not only am I freaked out because I’m now older than the Friends, but 28 is the basically the point of no return…to thirty!!! You see, at 27 you can still claim membership to the ‘mid-twenties’. You are just barely getting over the quarter-century life crisis and living the easy life of an independent twenty-something, but as that clock hits 28 everything changes. You are now officially a card holding member of the ‘late twenties’ and getting monthly reminder notices from the Thirty Club. There is no going back to the safety and innocence of the mid-twenties; those care free days are long gone.

Now, being that I’m not yet 28, I’m not sure what exactly all my new responsibilities will be but certainly the job of a 28 year old is more intense than the years prior. There is so much preparation to be done. I have to start thinking about my health, long term goals and retirement. I probably have to start checking out all the good buffets in town, practice going to bed at 8 pm and telling those 25 year olds' to turn down the music. On top of all that, I have to start looking for cats that need to be adopted. So much, so much. On the upside, I think at 28 you get reduced rates on car insurance and Dennys, are bestowed with additional bits of wisdom and blessed with the title, “Ma'am”.

Well, so begins the end. As I brace myself for this shove into maturity, I wish to say audios to all the glorious years of my youth. Goodbye young Red, you were a shining star. We have had many a good times and I will never forget you!