TWAIB

(Two Weeks Abroad in Brief)

• Paris is as memorizing as they say it is.
• European men wear purses and somehow it works.
• The metro is always hot and stinky. Perfume is a big seller.
• If you walk 50 miles, the back of your knees hurt.
• We have no idea how bread or chocolate is supposed to taste.
• Museums are designed to put you asleep, especially the famous ones. It’s the weird ones that are fun.
• I only looked at the Mona Lisa through my camera lens.
• A man only has to compliment my smile to win my heart; a French accent helps.
• Street food in Paris is better than half our fancy restaurants.
• There are 4 liters to a gallon, bringing us to $8 a gallon. Ouch.
• Don’t order pork belly in London. It’s a mean trick.
• Roomy roads are an under appreciated luxury.
• French women wear stilettos everywhere.
• English women are normal sizes. They really are my people.
• Versailles is a tall and spacious building…and it is glorious.
• Past royalty are generally all very unattractive.
• Mineral water is body drano.
• The Lourve looks exactly like it does in the Da Vinci Code.
• American tourists are loud and obnoxious…not me though.
• If you don’t order a full Cornish breakfast, the locals will give you dirty looks.
• Buying jewelry abroad just feels fancier.
• It is possible to eat your weight in pastries and still lose 5 pounds…if you walk everywhere. (Cars have ruined us)
• Stone circles are super cool in the day, but uber creepy at night. I scream loud and run suprisngly fast.
• British grass is so green it looks like 70s carpet, but they make it look good.
• They have as many castles in every town as we have Walgreens.
• I still think it’s weird there are actual dead people inside churches, but the caskets are very impressive.
• Taking two weeks off to wander around Paris and the English countryside really is a fairytale, and I rocked it.