Self: Noted

I’ve had a lot of ‘Hmm...’ moments recently. I would like to say they were ‘Aha!’ moments of brilliant realizations but instead these are more like those in which you realize you did something silly or just blanked on common sense all together. I know you know exactly what I’m talking about.

Note to self:

If you leave a leaky cooler in your trunk, the entire thing will get wet, and if you live in Texas it will grow mold overnight and subsequently stink up your entire car, really bad.

If you decide to go tubing on a river in Texas during a drought, plan on carrying your tube instead of floating on it.

If you stop eating sugar for an entire month you will have nightmares about cookies.

Your eyelids are skin and as such can also get sunburned.

If your window blinds are slats up instead of down, a sheer curtain alone will not block the wide open view of your room from the swimmers in the pool below.

The paste on envelopes still does not taste good.

If you fall asleep under a tree, no doubt a punk squirrel will drop an acorn on your head.

Texans do not know how to merge, protect yourself by incorporating the constant honk and swerve technique.

If you call in sick but then show up sunburned the next day people might be slightly suspicious.

If the gas light comes on in your car, it is not a test, you are about to be out of gas.

Although some fine cheeses are moldy, hand grown refrigerator mold is not the same.

If you try to read a book while walking down stairs there is a high probability you will end up on your tookus.

Lastly, boys and girls never have and never will speak the same language.